Long sentence? Deal with it

Couldn’t help but laugh after reading this extremely long and awkward sentence:

But because the Lakers are strangely scared of the luxury tax, the team dealt him for absolutely nothing last December, throwing both Odom and GM Mitch Kupchak (who you know did not want to make a deal that would cripple his team’s already-nonexistent depth) to the wolves in an attempt to explain away Odom’s fragile emotions in the wake of an agreed-upon but eventually squashed deal that would deal Lamar to New Orleans in a deal that would send Chris Paul to the Lakers.

Smeg is back

They won’t be the lead stories in any evening papers, as the since-rescinded Chris Paul trade was, but two minor NBA trades should go down one the NBA allows player transactions at around 2 p.m. Eastern on Friday.

On Kelly Dwyer, the best basketball writer and the biggest jerk on the Internet

Apparently, it’s been since the last rapture prediction that this website was updated. And, if this sucker gets updates, it’s to show how Kelly Dwyer makes grammar mistakes.

It’s kind of fun to pick at someone and keep their grammar in check. But those grammar mistakes, silly misspellings and awfully awkward sentences KD puts up aren’t drastic enough to ensure the dude loses his job.

Because, in all honesty, Kelly Dwyer is the best basketball writer on the Internet or elsewhere. I don’t think there’s anyone who’s as obsessed with the NBA as KD is, and I don’t know if there are even as many coaches in the league who put in more time to sit down and pound through game tape like Dwyer does. Read a “Behind the Box Score” sometime, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

You can’t argue with the fact that KD is damn near right 100 percent of the time. And that’s frustrating because there’s nothing more that you want than to say, “This guy is a bozo.”

And those who have? Byron Scott? Commentors on Blog-a-Bull? They’ve wound up looking silly. If you want accuracy, and if you want to gauge how your team is doing from your the perspective of your fellow fans and everyone else, you read some Ball Don’t Lie with Kelly Dwyer at the helm.

Because it doesn’t stop at just the basketball side of it. The dude gets the managerial shit correctly, too. He knows the philosophy that damn near every front office in the NBA implements, and he knows the kind of culture those front offices and coaching staffs want to employ. Sure, we may know that much about our own teams, but I can guarantee you, no one knows that about all 30 NBA teams the way Dwyer does.

All that is accurate, his grammar be damned. But now this is where I let him have it.

The dude’s a jerk. An ass. And, in his own words, a “prat.”

Kelly Dwyer is the ‘greatest writer to ever’

This is huge, mainly because it’s the freaking title:

Ouch, KD. Way to leave us hanging. In the post title.

Kelly typoed has typoed again

James turned has turned it over just seven times since the playoffs began, but the 6.4 mark is worth paying attention to because it accounts for pace, minutes, and the sheer amount of possessions that LeBron uses up.

You is a bad writer

Kelly had this to say in reference to Gilbert Arenas:

It looks as if you, more than anyone else, is obsessed with your stat line.

Tea time

D’Antoni, whilst sipping team from a tiny cup, explained:

One sentence, two errors

More proof that Kelly doesn’t proofread:

There is regulation sized and accessible practice court that the arena that Kobe knows full well about, though it wouldn’t provide him the opportunity to take practice shots in front of dozens of reporters flashing cell phone cameras.

How do you let that slip by?

Missing words

Two errors from the same article:

He can’t work in absolutes, especially with unpredictability of that particular week, or day.

In Jordan’s words, the Bobcats didn’t “want to be the seventh or eighth seed” every season, and while I wish he would have effused that sentiment years ago while putting together win-now team for 2010, this is the right course of action.

I orders a editor

First off, coffee? Who order coffee during games. But coffee? Can I buy a brother a bottle of water?

Huh? So many things to point out with this one…

Kelly Dwyer issn’t that good

Charlotte issn’t that good to begin with. But looking at Denver’s box score, as someone who reads a lot of car magazines and goes behind a lot of box scores, is like looking at the specs in a car magazine regarding some ridiculously-expensive supercar.

This is an aggressive typing motion, Dwyer. It’s like you were pissed off at your “s” button, and repeatedly hit it, just for added effect.

Or you’re just sticking with the typo quota. One of the two.

Nate and Nick Collison: Same difference

At worst, with Nate Collison shoring up that frontcourt, and Kevin Durant’s ever increasing ability to slide over to power forward, this is a team on par with the Dallas Mavericks.

What? You’ve never heard of Nate Collison?

It’s Nick, Dwyer.

(Thanks to IL05 in the Yahoo! comments section, for pointing that out.)

What’re you trying to say, KD?

Made all the more better by the Wizards owner honest evaluating his team’s situation, on record

There’s a lot of ways to fix this sentence. He could have said “honestly evaluating,” but I don’t think that’s what he meant to say. What I think he meant to say was “honest evaluation of his team’s situation.”

Don’t make fun of the guy, though. All these typos, KD believes, are abstract art. Or something.

Get they money, Kelly Dwyer

[…] Celtics finding help at center (with Samuel Dalembert), power forward (with Troy Murphy), or in the backcourt (if Richard Hamilton ever decides that he wants to earn they money he’s been guaranteed to play pro basketball). This might not be over.

Dwyer hasn’t done the usual 10-man rotation yet. The typo-induced hilarity might not be over.

KD his the typo king

If the setting his right he can score around the hoop, and his range extends to about 18 feet on the baseline and a little shorter from straightaway, but his rebounding is poor, he isn’t much of a defender, and he’s had his own injury woes throughout his career.

Commas, Dwyer. Commas

Congratulations are in order, for the New York Knicks.

[…]

But there is this line that keeps coming back to me, the more I think and then write about Carmelo Anthony going to the New York Knicks.

I think Kelly Dwyer says this stuff in his head and says, “Oh, I paused right there, mid-thought. COMMA!”

If you look closely, there will always be a random comma in each of KD’s posts. Today, it was just more explicitly annoying.

Is Kelly Dwyer sharing his wife with us?

While Western Kentucky awaits, Ball Don’t Lie will wait. We’re gearing up for the typical 47,000 trade anticipation/reaction posts that tend to pop up during trade deadline week, and on a night with no pro hoops to pour over, we’re going to step back. Enjoy the Monday. Maybe read a book. Maybe finish a book. Find out what color our wife’s hair is now.

Um, we all have our own, KD. Stop pushing yours onto us. (NOTE: That should say “our wives’ hair.”)

Starring Marc Zumoff as the ‘Silent Snow’

A good minute into the video (we skipped it ahead for you), you can hear Sixers play by play man Marc Zumoff as the silent Snow (cool band name, kids) if he’s “meditating.”

That should read “ask the silent Snow.”

‘Than’ and now

This is just astonishing. If the voting committee behind this brand of voting can’t bother to recognize Reggie Miller, who YOUR GRANDMOTHER knows about, than what hope does North American pro basketball have in this embarrassment of an institution? 

That is astonishing.

To be or not to be

It can be a terrible, bloated mess, made worse by cackling announcers yelling at us about how the Slam Dunk Contest is “back” (year after year), but it can also legitimately the most fun you’ll have in front of a TV until the playoffs start.